


Dreams Worth Chasing After

by fallenalien



Series: Bruised Faces, Lost Spaces [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Dean Winchester Bashing, Pre-Canon, Pre-Series Dean Winchester, Pre-Series Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23635036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenalien/pseuds/fallenalien
Summary: The brothers were fighting again. They were fighting as they had been in the almost month since their father had taken off and not returned since. This time was different though.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester & Original Female Character(s)
Series: Bruised Faces, Lost Spaces [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701484
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	Dreams Worth Chasing After

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is pretty dean negative so don't read if it'll offend you. This is based off my personal hangups with his character so I understand if others don't agree.

The brothers were fighting again. Clara watched through the curtains of her apartment window overhearing their loud angry voices. They were fighting as they had been in the almost month since their father had taken off and not returned since. This time was different though. 

"I'm not leaving, Dean," said the younger brother. He was probably about 16, a tall, lanky kid. 

"Sam, pack your stuff I'm not saying it again," says the older brother. He was a good looking guy probably around 20 and carried an air around him that was somehow relaxed and focused. However that air was gone now in its a place a cold, hard demeanor as he faced off his younger brother in the parking lot of the apartment complex. "Dad needs some extra hands on the job he's working so we've got to head out tonight if were gonna make it in time,"

"Dean all I'm asking for is one more day. I just need until tomorrow afternoon after the test and then we can leave."

"Sam you're are probably the only person I've ever met who'd beg to want to take a test. Why is this so important?"

"It just is," Sam said defensively.

"Nope that's not good enough. Grab your stuff."

"I paid $60 for it, Dean."

"You paid $60 for a test? First of all where'd you even get that kinda money?"

"I've been saving up. Doing odd jobs and things like that."

"Well congrats on flushing $60 down the toilet. We're leaving." 

The finality of his voice should've ended the argument there. This was how most of their fights went with Dean pushing more and more and Sam giving in less and less each time. But it looked like the younger brother had finally reached his limit. 

"No Dean I'm not leaving." His voice was firm and unbudging. However before he could react, his older brother's hand shot out and gripped his arm bruisingly. 

"I wasn't asking Sam," The brothers were about the same height but the authority the older brother held made it seem like he was looking down on younger sibling. Nonetheless, Sam held his ground. 

"I'm not leaving."

They were both silent for a few moments longer before the older brother relaxed his grip and made as if he were about to leave. On a dime, he turned around slamming his fist into his younger brother's face. Not only did the younger brother seem unsurprised by this turn of events, but after recovering from the initial strike, he straightened up, staring straight into his brother’s eyes as if daring him to hit him again as his stance would not be swayed. 

Before things could escalate any further, the man next door came out of the building interrupting their standoff. Dean tried to dismiss the man but he wouldn't be budged so finally he backed off, releasing his grip on his brother's arm, but not before pulling him in to whisper something in his ear and shoving him off. 

"We take off at two PM sharp. Don't be late."

With that the older brother left, getting in his car and speeding off leaving his brother stands in the parking lot. Clara quickly rushed out, suddenly embarrassed that she'd watched the whole interaction and not thought to intervene once. 

She found the kid sitting on the curb, legs seeming to have given out after the adrenaline of the situation had worn off. Mr. Robert asked the kid if he was alright and took the answer given without much resistance before returning to his wife who waved at him from the doorway. The elderly couple were good people but had never been much for sentimentalities. Clara could see bruises already begin to form on the kid's face and arm as she crouched down where he was sitting. She stretched her hand out carefully and when he didn't brush it off place it on his shoulder and rubbed nurturingly. 

"Is there anybody I can call?" She decided to skip the obvious question of if he was okay, but nonetheless, hers felt equally redundant as she assumed if there was anybody else in the picture they probably wouldn't really be in this situation in the first place. 

"No, I'm fine. Thank you."

Sam kept his eyes trained on the asphalt beneath him and tried not to relax too much into the soothing touch she was rubbing into her shoulders. 

"Well would it be alright if you came inside? I could get you an ice pack and maybe patch you up a bit.”

Sam’s first instinct was to say no, but the thought of returning to the room and trying to study while he waited for Dean's inevitable inebriated return sounded especially unappealing. So he just nodded quietly and allowed the woman to help him up and lead him to her flat. She sat him down in her kitchen and went to the fridge to get an ice pack. Her apartment was the same size as theirs but somehow seemed more opened and cozier. Then again, the flats were meant for one, not three. The landlord had only made the exception because they paid in cash upfront with the promise of only staying for two months before moving on. As a result, their space was cramped and cluttered even with what little they owned. 

The woman came back around from the fridge with an ice pack and first aid kit and Sam was able to get a good look at her face for the first time. She had brown hair and a long face with round glasses that seemed to be the type one only wore at home. She had kinda a lithe figure and was probably on the taller side for a girl. She was a bit older than Dean maybe twenty-four-twenty-five ish. It then occurred to him that he recognized her from somewhere, but couldn’t quite place it. She noticed him staring and reached out her hand to introduce herself.

“I’m Clara by the way,” Her hand was cool and soft and Sam felt awkward taking it in his warm, sweaty ones.

“Sam,” he replied simply. She handed him the ice pack which he held to face. “Have we met before?”

“You wouldn’t happen to go to school around here?”

“Yeah Wilmont High”

“Ah I’m a school nurse. There’s only two of us for the whole district. But yeah I take Wilmont on Wednesdays and every other Friday so you may have seen me around.”

Sam didn’t say anything but recognized that’s where he had seen her. 

“Can I see?” He moved the ice pack so she could take a look at the side. “Looks like he clipped you good. ”

She dabbed some ointment on a cotton balled and put it to the bruises on his face. Clara knew it stung but Sam didnt flinch. She checked the bruises on his arm and did the same before putting another ice pack to place over them. Her hand lingered over his and when he looked up she greeted him with a warm smile.

“The bruises should be mostly gone in a week or so,” she said as she packed back up the first aid kit, “I hope it wouldn’t be too forward for me to ask if trips to the nurses’ office were a regular occurrence for you.” 

“Huh. Uh, no. This is not- he doesn’t- This doesn’t happen often,” he lied “My brother was just pissed is all. He didn’t mean anything by it.”

She nods, but the disbelief is clear in her tight, somewhat knowing smile. 

“You’re not gonna call CPS, are you?” he asked awkwardly, “Cause were leaving tomorrow so it won’t matter and I…”

He trailed off but they both seemed to hear his next thought, I’m in enough trouble as it is. His brother’s cryptic words to him before leaving replayed over in his mind. 

“You can be the one to explain to Dad why we were late?”

Just the thought sent a wave of fear through him at the inevitable confrontation with his father he’d have when they finally reached their destination. He quickly shoved down the thought knowing if he allowed his fear to get the best of him he wouldn’t be able to concentrate tomorrow and then all of this would’ve been for nothing. He looked up to see Clara’s eyebrows wrinkled as she lost in thought. Guilt washed through him as he second-guessed his decision to come to her apartment in the first place.

“Really you don’t have to worry about me. Dean, my brother, he really didn’t mean anything by it. What I mean to say is he doesn’t beat on me or anything so you don’t have to worry.” He felt stupid just saying the words. He resisted the urge to laugh at the idea. If only she knew there were much worse things he had to worry about hurting him than a spare punch from his brother. 

An awkward silence permeated the room and just as Sam thought to leave before overstaying his welcome, she started again.

“You mentioned something about a test,” she flushed embarrassed admitting to have eavesdropped, “sorry thin walls I couldn’t help overhearing,”

“It’s okay I’m pretty sure the whole building heard the conversation.” Just the idea caused him to shrink in on himself, “Yeah I’m supposed to be taking the SAT tomorrow at Fortuna Noble High School. My brother promised to drive me but our Dad wanted us to head out to help him with a job tonight- we weren’t supposed to be leaving for another week so I’d already paid and everything. It’s just been a difficult couple of weeks for us-” 

He shut up, no longer sure of what he was trying to say and not wanting to say more than needed to. Frustration and guilt sung through him at the whole situation. He hated adding to the stress his brother was under. The last hunt had gone horribly wrong and had ended with them all but chased out of town by local authorities without being able to kill what they’d been after. Dad had been pissed and had packed them up and moved them across country to escape the heat. Sam had hoped lying low would mean he’d get the opportunity to get caught up with school. However, the situation had his father angry and paranoid and just getting their Dad to let him go back to school had been an argument, one that had once again forced his brother into the awkward and difficult position of middle man. 

Sam had hoped that when Dad had taken off for a hunt in Washington almost a month ago things would smooth over between them. Instead, there was more tension between them than ever and they’d been fighting regularly. It was first semester of senior year, probably the most important semester of his high school career so Sam had been diving into schoolwork even more than usual. To Dean however, it seemed to be becoming increasingly clear that Sam didn’t have the same dedication to hunting that he and his Dad held, a standpoint Dean had often had to defend Sam to his Dad against. This last fight was only the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.

Sam raked his hand through his hair as he felt the anxiety he’d been trying to avoid quickly overwhelming him. 

“Hey Sam it's alright,” Clara said comfortingly, “Just breathe.”

Clara rubbed his back and Sam hated how he once again leaned into the touch. 

“Um I’m actually not from around here either.” she said suddenly, “I know moving to Boise, Idaho may not seem like much but when you’re from nowhere Montana anything feels like an upgrade. I used to live on a farm, not a very successful one. Every year it seemed like there was always something whether it be we didn’t get enough rain or it was a dry harvest or one of prize bulls passed away early. But there was always something. Senior year came. I finished high school, got good grades. I even got accepted to my dream school but when the time came to leave I didn’t go.”

“Why not?” Sam said looking up at her curiously.

“The night I’d made to leave I got into a big fight with my Mama. She was saying how selfish I was and how I was abandoning my family and how my daddy had worked til his dying breath tryna put food on the table and how I was just gonna throw it all away. And yeah the guilt just ate me up inside and I didn't leave. I stayed and worked on the farm and then again the next year and when things finally seemed to have settled down my scholarship was gone.” Clara paused and then looked at Sam suddenly with soft knowing eyes, “Looking back it isn’t not leaving that first year that I regret it's believing my mama when she told me following my dream was selfish. What I'm tryna say is, Sam, you can't feel guilty for chasing your dream because they don't feel nearly as bad for telling you not to."

They sat in silence for a bit after that as the weight of the words and of their choices sank in. Eventually, Sam excused himself saying he wanted to study a bit more before bed. Clara asked if there was anything more she could do and he just said that he could probably use a ride to the school tomorrow as his brother was likely to come back drunk late at night and would very likely be too hungover or too pissed to drive him in the morning. 

The next morning Sam took Clara up on her offer for a ride. The two drove in relative silence as Sam looked over his notes and flashcards to freshen up before the test. Sam thanked her as he left the car. However his smile still seemed out of place alongside the bruise on the side of his face poorly hidden by his hoodie. 

In the end, CPS would receive a call from the school as Sam was indeed a nurses office regular with Nurse Norman informing her of 3 other incidents of him showing up to school with unexplained bruises in the last month, not including the one that one of the teachers had informed her about when he'd showed up to the gymnasium for the SAT. 

However, the kid would be long gone by then. Clara watched from a window once again as he was summoned from the school at 2 o'clock sharp by the sound of honking. The last she would see of either brother would be the older all but shove the younger boy into the passenger seat of the car before speeding off in a blur of black metal once again.

**Author's Note:**

> Dean displays abusive tendencies toward Sam from episode one and this is as shown as typical behavior for Dean with Sam not being particularly surprised when it comes to Dean's aggression toward him. I just thought it'd be interesting to explore what this looked like in their childhood. Especially before Sam left for Standford but was already making preparations to go. 
> 
> Also a lot of times we talk about how Dean had to take on the role of both parents for Sam, but we don't really think about how his role as discipliner fits into the mix. From what we see of John I headcanon that he's not above disciplining his kids especially Sam, but he'd also often absent for long periods of time. During these times, Dean steps up in his role as discipliner and does what he not only expects John would do to Sam but also he expects John would do to him if he ever stepped out of line. I don't know I just thought it'd be interesting to explore the unfair hierarchy and unhealthy family dynamics and it affects Sam and Dean's relationship even years later.
> 
> Anyways I hope you guys like the fic. I have a second part in the works but I'm not sure how far I'll actually get with it so I guess we'll see.


End file.
